ADHD and Masking

ADHD and Masking: The Cost of Trying to Look “Normal”

When we talk about ADHD, we often focus on attention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity.

But there’s another layer that receives far less attention:

Masking.

Masking happens when someone hides or suppresses their ADHD traits in order to fit in.

It can look like forcing eye contact.
Sitting still when your body wants to move.
Pretending to understand when you zoned out.
Over-preparing to avoid mistakes.
Laughing off struggles.

On the surface, it can look like coping.

Underneath, it can be exhausting.

Recent qualitative research exploring adults with ADHD sheds light on how masking develops — and what it costs over time.

Early Academic Struggles: Where Masking Often Begins

For many adults with ADHD, masking started in school.

Participants in research consistently described:

• Struggling silently in class

• Being reprimanded for fidgeting or impulsivity

• Cramming entire syllabi the night before exams

• Zoning out but pretending to follow along

In many cases, their ADHD was not recognized early.

Instead, they learned quickly that certain behaviors brought negative attention.

So they adapted.

They tapped their feet quietly.
They asked to use the bathroom to release restlessness.
They stayed up all night to compensate for missed focus.
They tried to appear “together.”

Masking often develops not because a child wants to deceive others — but because they want to survive socially and academically.

When school environments emphasize one “right” way to learn, neurodivergent students often feel pressure to blend in.

Over time, that blending becomes habit.

Relationship Difficulties and Rejection Sensitivity

Masking doesn’t just develop in classrooms.

It grows in social spaces too.

Many adults with ADHD report recurring negative feedback from peers, teachers, and even family members.

They were told they were:
Too much.
Too disorganized.
Too forgetful.
Too sensitive.

Repeated criticism can shape self-concept.

Some individuals develop heightened sensitivity to rejection — a deep fear of disapproval or exclusion.

Whether the rejection is real or perceived, the emotional impact is powerful.

Masking then becomes a protective strategy:

If I hide the parts that get criticized,
Maybe I won’t be rejected.

Over time, this can lead to people-pleasing, over-apologizing, or constantly scanning for social mistakes.

The goal becomes avoiding disapproval rather than expressing authenticity.

The Exhaustion of Prolonged Masking

Masking works — temporarily.

It can help someone pass exams.
Maintain friendships.
Hold a job.

But it comes at a cost.

Adults in qualitative studies describe masking as exhausting.

Maintaining constant self-monitoring requires energy:
Am I talking too much?
Did I interrupt?
Did I miss something?
Do I look distracted?
Am I being “normal” enough?

Over years, this can lead to:

• Burnout

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Identity confusion

• Loss of self-trust

Some individuals report that they eventually “hit a wall” — they simply can no longer maintain the performance.

Interestingly, many describe feeling more at ease around other neurodivergent individuals, particularly in online communities. When masking isn’t required, connection feels easier.

That contrast highlights just how much energy masking consumes.

Delayed Diagnosis: A Double-Edged Sword

Masking can delay diagnosis.

If someone appears high-functioning — even while struggling internally — their ADHD may go unnoticed for years.

Many adults report receiving a diagnosis only after burnout, anxiety, or depression prompted further evaluation.

Delayed diagnosis often brings mixed emotions:

Relief — because there is finally an explanation.
Grief — for years spent feeling inadequate.
Anger — at systems that failed to recognize the signs.

Research suggests that individuals diagnosed later may experience more secondary mental health difficulties, partly because they spent years compensating without support.

Masking may help someone function short term.

But long term, it can intensify the impact of untreated ADHD.

Masking and Self-Concept

One of the most significant findings across studies is how masking affects identity.

When someone repeatedly hides aspects of themselves to avoid exclusion, it can shape how they see themselves.

Social Identity Theory helps explain this process.

We all form our identity partly through group belonging.

If someone with ADHD feels like they don’t fit into the “neurotypical” group, they may try to hide differences to avoid being seen as “other.”

But when acceptance feels conditional — dependent on performance — self-concept becomes fragile.

Many adults with ADHD describe internalizing messages of failure, inadequacy, or difference.

Masking becomes intertwined with self-worth.

Why Educational Environments Matter

The research highlights a crucial point:

Early academic and social environments play a major role in whether masking develops.

When teachers and peers lack understanding of neurodiversity, students may feel forced to conform.

Inclusive educational approaches — where differences in attention, movement, and learning style are normalized — may reduce the need for masking.

Whole-school approaches to neurodiversity awareness could:

• Decrease stigma

• Improve peer acceptance

• Support flexible teaching strategies

• Promote healthy self-concept development

When environments adapt, individuals may not need to hide.

The Gender Question

An important emerging theme in masking research involves gender.

Girls and women are often diagnosed later than boys.

Some research suggests that boys may externalize symptoms more visibly, while girls may internalize and mask more effectively.

This may contribute to diagnostic disparities and different self-concept outcomes.

Future research will help clarify how masking operates differently across genders.

Unmasking: What Helps?

Unmasking does not mean abandoning coping skills.

It means reducing the need to constantly suppress authentic traits.

Helpful steps may include:

• Receiving an accurate diagnosis

• Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals

• Psychoeducation about ADHD

• Therapy that addresses self-concept and identity

• School and workplace accommodations

• Compassion-focused interventions

Unmasking is not instant.

It is gradual.

It often involves relearning who you are without performance.

Final Thoughts

Masking is not deception.

It is adaptation.

It often develops in response to misunderstanding, criticism, or exclusion.

But when masking becomes chronic, it can erode well-being and identity.

Understanding ADHD through this lens shifts the conversation.

Instead of asking,
“Why are they pretending?”

We ask,
“What made them feel they had to?”

And that question opens the door to something more important than performance.

It opens the door to belonging.