ADHD and Sibling Rivalry
ADHD and Sibling Rivalry: When the Bond Feels More Like a Battlefield
Sibling relationships are often the longest relationships we’ll ever have—built from shared rooms, shared parents, shared memories, and small daily negotiations over space, fairness, attention, and love.
When ADHD is part of the family system, that sibling bond can change shape.
Not always into obvious “fighting.”
Sometimes it becomes something quieter: less warmth, less closeness, less softness—until the relationship feels thin, strained, or simply tired.
A case–control study from a child guidance clinic looked closely at this, comparing sibling relationships in families with a child diagnosed with ADHD to healthy controls—and the findings are worth sitting with.
Background: Why Sibling Relationships Matter in ADHD
ADHD is often described as a disorder of attention, movement, and impulse control—but what truly disrupts development, again and again, is the social impact: relationships with parents, peers… and siblings.
Sibling relationships are not “secondary.” They shape emotional adjustment, self-esteem, and long-term social learning. Yet compared with parent–child and peer research, sibling-focused ADHD research has historically been limited.
This study argues that sibling relationships have multiple dimensions—and if we want to support families effectively, we need to measure those dimensions clearly.
Study Snapshot: What Researchers Examined
Participants
30 children with ADHD and their sibling dyads
30 healthy control sibling dyads
(Clinic-based case–control design.)
Measures
Parents completed:
Sibling Relationship Questionnaire (SRQ) covering four domains:
Warmth
Power struggle
Conflict
Rivalry
Vanderbilt ADHD Diagnostic Parent Rating Scale (VADPRS) measuring severity of:
Inattention
Hyperactivity
Results: What Was Different in ADHD Sibling Dyads?
The biggest finding wasn’t “more rivalry.”
It was less warmth.
Compared to controls, ADHD sibling pairs showed significantly lower scores in:
Warmth and Closeness
prosocial behavior
affection
companionship
nurturance
admiration (the ADHD child was admired less by the sibling)
Competition Was Lower Too
Interestingly, competition was also lower in ADHD sibling dyads—suggesting less mutual engagement rather than simply “more fighting.”
The Most Affected Areas: Affection and Nurturance
When the researchers looked at subdomains, the most pronounced differences were:
Affection (largest effect)
Nurturance (next largest effect)
This matters because affection is not decorative. It’s foundational.
When affection is low, the relationship can become transactional—more tolerance than tenderness.
And nurturance is how siblings learn to care, repair, and soften toward each other. When that’s impaired, conflict has fewer exits.
ADHD Symptom Severity and Conflict: The Hyperactivity Link
One of the most actionable findings:
Intersibling conflict correlated positively with hyperactivity severity on the Vanderbilt scale.
In plain language:
When hyperactivity is higher—conflict between siblings tends to rise.
That doesn’t mean the child is “the problem.” It means the nervous system is louder, movement is stronger, impulses hit faster, and sibling life—so dependent on turn-taking and restraint—becomes harder to navigate.
What This Suggests: It’s Not Only Rivalry—It’s Relationship Thinning
The study did not find strong differences in every domain (power struggle and rivalry were not consistently higher).
Instead, it suggests something subtler and often overlooked:
Families may not always see “constant fighting.”
They may see:
less companionship
less mutual care
less admiration
less warmth
And that can be just as costly over time—because emotional distance becomes the new normal.
Why This Happens: A Simple, Human Explanation
Sibling closeness requires:
reading cues
taking turns
repairing quickly
regulating intensity
tolerating frustration
ADHD can disrupt these skills through:
impulsivity
difficulty sustaining attention during shared activities
difficulty interpreting social information in-the-moment
emotional reactivity
Not because of lack of love—because the regulation systems that carry love into behavior can be overloaded.
What Parents Can Do: Practical Ways to Reduce Rivalry and Rebuild Warmth
Here are strategies aligned with what this study highlights (warmth, affection, nurturance):
1) Coach the “Repair,” not just the rules
Instead of only “Stop fighting,” build a small repair ritual:
“What happened?”
“What do you each need?”
“What’s one kind thing you can do now?”
2) Create protected “warmth time”
Schedule short, predictable moments where siblings cooperate with a shared goal:
10-minute game
building something together
a “team task” (set the table together)
Keep it brief so success is possible.
3) Reduce friction points
Many sibling battles are predictable:
transitions
bedtime
shared screens
shared spaces
Pre-plan those moments with structure:
clear turns
visual timers
separate zones when needed
4) Treat hyperactivity as a household variable
Since hyperactivity severity was tied to conflict, support regulation proactively:
movement breaks before family time
sensory tools
outdoor “reset” time
consistent sleep routines
5) Give the non-ADHD sibling a voice that isn’t punished
A sibling can love their brother or sister and feel exhausted.
Make space for both:
“It makes sense this is hard.”
“You matter too.”
“You’re not responsible for fixing this.”
Closing: A More Whole View of ADHD
This study ends with a call that many families quietly need:
Sibling relationships deserve equal attention in ADHD care.
Because when sibling warmth fades, the home becomes a place where everyone is bracing—where affection becomes rare, and closeness feels like work.
And the goal isn’t perfect harmony.
It’s a relationship with enough softness in it that both children can breathe again.
Reference
Nachane, H. B., et al. Quality of sibling relations in children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. (case–control study using SRQ and VADPRS; 30 ADHD dyads vs 30 controls).